The Great Deception

When I was younger, I was an extreme pessimist and a complainer. I always assumed the worst. Perhaps this was a product of me not always getting what I wanted, and while growing up around children that always seemed to have so much more than me. By the time I got to college, I realized that I grew up lacking in superficial areas, but so rich in those areas that are more important to ones development. My childhood was not full of pain and despair. Just random moments of disappointment that would hurt any selfish child. I quickly learned that many things I can not change, but I can change my perception of these unmovable things like people, the past, and so on and so forth. I finally understand the full extent of the power of expectations.

Expectations can truly make or break a moment or an experience or even a person, and I must say that I expected more out of this excursion. When I refer to my expectations, I only mean those thoughts regarding the program, not the culture. One semester has passed and now I am lounging around assessing how the first semester went. Will is here now, and we have been doing some chillin here and there. The question of this blog is, how is the program thus far, and I am about to have a Ben moment were I am brutally honest and exposed to the entire world, or at least the five people who read my blog.

May it first be noted that this program is brand new, and was thrown together lightening fast, and so that fact alone creates natural problems with the tuning and tweaking of such a program, but I feel that somethings are inexcusable. I expected to be a teacher in some sense, but all I have become is an event coordinator. Let me break it down for you. You must first understand that there is or was a problem with defining who we are, staff or student assistants. As student assistants we are slaves, as staff we have rights. There was other discrepancies with whether we were full time or part time even though in Fulbright's eyes we are part time. I probably work the least out of all the ETA's because I purposefully tried to keep my plate empty, you all know how I need my free time to ponder, write and such, without it I will go postal.

My Weekly Schedule: I teach two tutorial sessions of English (3 Hours), and I assist one primary class and teach with a colleague in another primary class (2 Hours). I do Help Desk, which is 30 minute sessions assisting the students with any language training, which usually is just have a chat with them (4 Hours). I was involved in a Human Development Module (sit through a 2 hour lecture, spend maybe 1 hour a week assisting students in the class), where my precious time was wasted, not on purpose though. This is a new thing so no one knows what to do with us. Now, that means I spend 8 hours a week doing something that is close to teaching. I didn't include the Primary school because I don't teach there, nor do I want to. In the Drama class, where I assist a teacher, I do little which is fine. I enjoy just being there watching and talking sometimes. My other class, I have lost all hope and now just pop in a Disney movie whenever I can. In fact, most ETAs do not want to be involve in the primary school next semester, however the school advertised to all the parents that we will be there the whole year, even though we (ETAs) were told that the first semester was just a trail run. Since, the primary school will be a little embarrassed if we all suddenly dropped out, I think we are going to be pleaded with to play a much smaller role. Ben speaking: "you tellin me, that just because you organized a disaster and because you want to save face after jumping the gun, that I have to be involve in a level of teaching that my temperment is not made for, with bad children that never listen to me, nor am I trained in the art of running a primary school class, just so you won't look like a dumbass."

Now, where does the rest of my time go? Well, we have to do RA type programming in the halls, which can take up a little or alot of time. Then there is Club IEd, which takes up the bulk of my time, but I do the least amount of work among the five of us that are in charge of the Club IEd center. I spend 4 hours a week sitting in Club IEd being bored doing nothing. I spend Lord knows how much time discussing the type of activities we should have in the center, which always frustrates me, because I came here to something academic. I didn't come here to play games with students or plan parties for faculty, or sing and dance for anybody on this campus. But this is how the first semester has gone. I will not bore you with actual stories of our events, but in short we are expected to be activity coordinators, performers, and baby sitters more than were are expected to be teachers. I've have gotten off much easier than many of my colleagues.

Expectations can make or break an experience. Currently, I am unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Of course, there is light in this grim picture I have painted, and you have seen that light in past blogs. Something can't be negative without something positive existing as well, other wise everything is just indifferent, right. Also, some experiences, if not most, are what you make them. In these two weeks I have off of work, I will carefully think about ways I can make this experience more fulfilling, because the powers that be are not going to do it for me, nor do I think I could articulate to them what exactly I need at this juncture.

We went China this past week, and observed a secondary and primary school as well saw several universities around the Guangzhou area. The picture above is of students studying at the university where we were housed. Three are from Zambia. The trip was okay, I enjoyed the schools and the students. The primary school students were very excited about seeing an Black at their school, which was a major contrast from other experiences I have had here. It is funny how regardless whether we are all presented as teachers from America, the students will always choose the ETAs that they feel is most resembling of America. For example, if the students were asked to mingle with us and ask us questions about English or America, they would typically start with my White colleagues (there are eight of them), and then with my Brown Colleagues (there are three of us), and then my Asian Colleagues ( there are five of them). All this time I thought I was American, I am just an immigrant, go figure. I will let you ponder that for awhile. The most uncomfortable part of the trip was when we would get together with teachers and discuss class room/education issues, which none of us are qualified to do. At one school, one teacher asked us tons of questions concerning her primary school class. While some gave good answers, I sat there, thinking we shouldn't be giving advice on teaching. Hell, we aren't even teachers in our program for real. Now, if she asked about planning a yoga night or a Christmas party, or a game night, then we have more than enough experience to do that.

Never mind my rant, let us end my first experience in China on a good note, beautiful pictures and a video.

These three pictures below are from me and my colleagues teaching a secondary school class about Global Warming. We really didn't teach them anything, because they already knew everything, but whatever.

The picture below is a very funny story. One of the student's mothers actually works in Birmingham, AL at UAB. So, the student has actually visited Birmingham, and was somewhat familiar with my college (BSC), and my Highschool (JCCHS). It was all very strange. But here is the most hilarious part. Near the end of our visit, the students put on a talent show for us, where they acted out scenes from plays, did a little singing, one student actually recited the Gettysburg address (he forgot half of it, which undoubtedly single handedly damaged Chinese-US relations for several decades to come, I don't forget much). Several of my colleagues performed as well. My B'ham-China connection friend came up with some of his friends to perform a reenactment of Finding Nemo, which means a part of the film was played, but muted; and he and his friends provided the voices for the characters. We saw several such performances it is hilarious. Anyway, look below and see what T-shirt he is wearing.

I almost died laughing, for one moment I was that annoying parent in the front row who can't keep quite whenever their baby gets on stage.

The next group of pictures and the Video are from the Primary School we visited.

We sat in on this class about saving and not wasting.

Students waving at me. I actually have several pictures like this.

Here is me, my colleague (Sarah Kim), two teachers and the daughter of another teacher not pictured.

We did a little sight seeing. We went to a gorgeous temple, a museum, and shopping.

The bottom picture is from a cruise/dinner sponsored by the secondary school.

I know that the majority of this blog may sound much more on the negative side, but I am honestly only thinking positively about next semester. I will find my niche on this campus, I will find what my heart burns for, or cry trying. Forever wrapped in this endless search for something of substance, something that gets me angry, something pulls at my emotions, and leaves me knowing that there is no other path, but one. I hope you've found that thing that you most care about, and if not I hope you are not giving up the search. Until I blog again. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Holidays

Okay, so I began on this blog earlier and then somehow, I lost all that I had written which is really stressful. Thus, what I had original posted has been lost forever, and now I will post completely new thoughts, with a little bit of the old in place.

So, of course, Thanksgiving is not a Hong Kong Holiday, so to be honest it past with little thrills. Well, there was a little excitement. Wednesday, one ETA decided to tackle the task of making a couple of pies (Pumpkin, Sweet Potato, and Pecan) so that we could have some type of Thanksgiving dinner. All was going well, the crust and pies were made from scratch, and they were ready to be put into the oven. The kitchen was reserved from 1-5pm, and we got a late start, thus it was somewhere near 5pm when we finally put the Pecan pies into the oven, and other pies had already been cooking for a couple of minutes. 5pm came and we were kicked out of the kitchen, pies and all. We stood at side with four partially cooked pies, trying to come up with a plan. As I mumbled to myself that such a thing would never happen at BSC, southern hospitality hasn't made it to HK just yet. Suddenly, we remembered that there were two toaster ovens in our dorm that we could use. So we carry the pies all the way across campus, drawing pleasant stares from faculty and students. In the end, the toaster ovens actually worked and the pies turn our terrific. On Thanksgiving Day, we had to put on some activities for the students teaching them about the American holiday, which makes me feel more like an activity coordinator than a teacher. On Friday, we had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner at KFC. So ends, Thanksgiving 2006.

It truly is the holiday season. I take the 275 bus towards the KCR (Train station), and I pass Tai Po Centre, and notice lights hanging from the sides of some of the small buildings. Santa Clauses face has become inescapable in shopping areas, and decorations for the season have escaped from the storage rooms seemingly over night. The malls have there decked out trees towering from floor to floor, and no one can deny that Christmas is close. I won't be going home for the holidays, but home will be coming to me. My best friend Will is flying in on the 18th, and he will be here through New Years.

Now, random Hong Kong adventures. If you ever find yourself in HK, you have to go see the Chi Lin Nunnery. This gorgeous temple was built without nails, and houses some magnificent statues of Buddha. Photographs of the actual gods was not allowed, so you have to come and see them yourself. Enjoy the pics.

One weekend, I took ride on the Duckling or Junk Boat around the harbour. This is actually a free ride for tourist, so I and a friend took advantage of it.

In this photo, you can see the 7th tallest building in the world, the IFC building.

As for my weekend, I went hiking with the ETA's and the man responsible for raising the funding for our program, Glenn Shive. We first had to take an hour boat ride to one of the smaller islands, and from there we began our journey. One of our colleagues had knee surgery a week or two prior to this trip, but she came along anyway, mostly because we were under the impression that the Hiking would be easy and breezy. So, a couple of us decided to take the trail slowly. Lagging behind turn into a bad idea once we got to a small village. We weren't really sure whether we should go straight or turn. We decided to go straight, which went from being a nice paved trail, to a skinny dirt trail. We passed some cows along our way, and quickly realized that we were lost. A couple that we assumed were locals (All Asians are locals to us) were passing by and we asked them if the trail headed towards the beach. The couple ensured us that we were going the right way, so we kept on. We finally got to a beach that was somewhat empty but beautiful. Yes, we were at the wrong beach. The beach that we were looking for had a string of restaurants on it. So what did we do? What any young Americans would. We kicked off our shoes and enjoyed the beach. I tried to get a cell phone signal to contact someone, and although I found some obscure signal it wasn't any help. Finally, people, who weren't from our group, started to fill up the beach. One of us decided to ask some of gentlemen that had come with their surf boards if they knew how to get to the other beach. The guys said that the other beach was actually just over a small rocky hill to our right. Feeling a little more comfortable, we hung out for a little bit longer, and then headed over the small mountain, assisting our injured friend whenever we could. In the end, we found the beach ate some nasty food, but wonderful french fries, and returned to campus exhausted.

Well, there's my recent adventure. There is much more to come. I will be in mainland China Dec 10th - 15th. Today, I am actually going to get a haircut. I ain't going into China with all this hair. Speaking of my African features. Random story, sometimes we are too lazy to wait for the 275 bus that takes us back to campus, honestly we spend half an hour waiting on this bus when we can just pay four American dollars and take a taxi. One evening, the taxi driver that escorted us home said Jumbo to me, which is I think goodbye or something in Swahili or Zulu or some African dialect. Anyway, just thought that was funny, a Chinese cab driver speaking an African language to me. Well, I hope your Holiday is bright, and meals many, and love ones close. Until I blog again.

The Calm After The Storm

It was January 2006. We had entered the Johannesburg Airport's immigration section. I stood in line thinking about how blessed I was to be in Africa again, and wondered what new mysteries I would discover on this trip. It was my turn to be asked questions like: What is your business in SA? So, I walked up and handed my passport to the brother in the official uniform that made me uneasy last year, because I knew that I was smuggling a couple of grams of dirt out of the country. He looked at my passport and then looked at me. His face was calm and looked a little bored from sitting in the same spot all day. He said: do you know where your ancestors are from? I was a little startled by the question, but I answered with a smile: "no, I assume somewhere in West Africa." He nodded and said that some American slaves were taken from South Africa, and that I could be from there. I responded, "maybe you're right." He smiled and handed me my passport and said, "welcome home, brother."

I've calmed done considerably since my last posting. At times, I see Black-American culture as Joseph son of Israel. Sold by his brothers, but by God placed into a better situation than his family so that they may not starve. I belong to many groups and cultures, the most important being Christian culture. Religion is no hobby for me, it is truth, the Way that all should live. If anything keeps me sane it is God and His favor in my life. I have witnessed the majesty of prayers and Faith, nothing can sway me from believing in these two tenants of my Religion. There isn't any liberal doctrine of inclusion that will make me believe in anything else.

I spent this past weekend in Taipei, Taiwan, which was a much needed vacation. I spoke about food cravings amongst my cultural rants on the last postings. While at the airport my desire for fried chicken was dealt with a nice serving of Popeye's chicken. I haven't had Popeye's chicken in years, despite that we have a couple in Birmingham.

We got on our flight bound for Taipei and hit the airport around 2pm. WE had to catch a bus that took us to the Subway station about 45 minutes away, then made our way to our hostel. The place was small, but clean. There were other travelers there also looking for a little adventure. Since I was traveling with three ladies, other travelers (male of course) made a point to strike up conversation with my group. For our first night we explored a little around our hostel, and stumbled on a temple that was nice. We decided to be a little bit more daring and traveled a couple of minutes further away to a place called Miramir where one could shop, see a movie or ride a big ferris wheel. I must admit that I am a little frightful of heights. It's not that bad, I just get a little uneasy when on things like ferris wheels, nonetheless I got on. Later that night we visited a night market and caught some street food for dinner. The area was called Shilin market and it was a combination of carnival games, clothing shops, and street food vendors. All very nice. The following day we set out to do some hiking. We trekked through a forest type area trying to find our way to the top of the mountain and to where we could catch a glimpse of a Volcano. We made it to an open area that looked like it lead up to the summit of our hike. We started up these stairs in the rain, with strong wind gust daring us to continue. Shanita and I were a little uneasy about the weather, it was slippery and far too windy for us to feel comfortable. We decided there wasn't anything worth breaking an arm over, so we decided to head back down, while our more adventurest colleagues set out to make it to the top. It was much colder than we expected in Taipei, so we where all wet and cold and praying for some warmth.We met back up at the visitor center and caught a bus back to the city to change clothes for that night. For our night excursion we tried to find a sketchy place called Snake Alley. I am a cautious person when I travel, so the name alone sounded like a place where stupid American tourist go to get robbed. According to others, Snake Alley was were one could see a man cut open snakes and drink their blood, and even the on lookers could try some snake blood if they wished. We never found the place, but we did discover some more night markets. One of our colleagues found it on her own later, and confirmed all the stories.
Sunday was the best day of the weekend. We left early that morning and headed to the Hot Springs Museum. Once we discovered that the museum was closed for prepares, we redirected and decided to find the public hot springs. There is something familiar about Taipei Citizens. Oh, they have a hint of Southern Hospitality! First example, we asked a young lady at the information desk inside the MRT station (subway station) how to find the Hot Springs. She gave us good direction and even gave us her personal cell phone number just in case we got lost. I forgot to mention that during our hike in the mountains, at least 90% of those passing by us said hello with a nice smile. When people in Hong Kong look at me, it is either to give me a peculiar glance (not necessarily negative) or to try and sell me a suit. Now, the cherry of our trip was an encounter with a Japanese woman that was 80 years old, but looked 60, and walked as if ageing had spent more time in other places than her bones and joints. She didn't speak much English, but only Japanese and Mandarin, which didn't help us much since we are English speakers and only had training in Cantonese phrases. Anyway, we set there for a couple of minutes trying to talk to her, while people walked passed us smiling and staring. Somewhere during the conversation she managed to write down her home phone number, and we were still slightly confused at why she was so adamant about spending time with us. We communicated with her best we could and she ended up leading us to the Hot Spring. Once we got there, she found someone to translate for us. Turns out, her daughter had married an Indian-American (not American Indian), and my two colleagues Shanita and Dhwani reminded her of her grand daughters. My two colleagues were stared at quite often in Taipei, but in a very nice curiosity type way. I don't believe Taipei has a thriving Indian population or is it their top vacation spot. My ethnicity was completely ignored here, which was very beautiful to me. We spent time at the Hot Springs with our friend, she invited us to her home, but we didn't have time. While walking back towards the MRT station she followed us and stopped at least two more people to tell them about us, each one listening attentively, not seeming bothered by our intrusion.

Well, that is the latest. I would like to give a warm congratulations and Happy Anniversary to my Brother and Sister-In-Law. Monday they will have been married for two years. Postings these are getting harder and harder. I actually started on this one about three days ago. Anyway, until I blog again.

Lost Son of Civil Right's Trail Blazers: African-Whatevers

I am cut off from my culture, whatever the hell that is. In several e-mails to several people I have spoke about being a minority all of my life, but never like this. I may go days without seeing another Black face. I find myself starving for seclusion sometimes, and then wanting to connect to someone. Both desires are usually fed, but then another desire comes in. This one is two-fold, a desire to commune with my brothers, particularly Black-American males, and also with those of close African descent. I never knew how much of a necessity such encounters were until I came here.

I am becoming lost out here, as I talk to others about their heritage and cultural background. Several students still question whether I am from Africa, and then when I say that I am American hey wonder about my ancestry which I have no clue about. It is quite infuriating, knowing that some European culture can just strip me of my past, and then expect me to be a believer in non-violent protest. Why? My ancestry was not brought here non-violently. Well, things have to change, of course, how convenient the rules change when someone finds freedom. Let us all be honest, American culture is simply White Culture, regardless of all the contributions of other races, ethnicities, and such. I see this concept in many of the students that ask me about my heritage, wondering how being African-American works. I think they see me as simply an immigrant in America. I rather not continue my ranting about culture, because I am honestly not in a good place to discuss it calmly and politely. I search for answers to my own heritage. I feel cultureless sometimes, all I have is my family and our ways, no heritage, no culture. An episode of roots can't give me what has been lost, "I Have a Dream" can't give me what has been lost, even that blood test that can pinpoint my African heritage can't give me what has been stolen, perhaps it is lost forever. And as I sit and write this, there is no compassion in my heart or forgiveness, just anger, and disappointment. Time heals, maybe by the time I return I will have forgotten these heart wrenching moments of cultural confusion. I am a Black-American, Whatever the hell that means.

My desire for Africaness was actually assuaged one night. My good friend Shanita and I went to a peculiar place that made us both feel quite comfortable.

The place was an African Jazz Lounge. After much wandering the streets of Hong Kong up hill and down hill we finally stumbled upon a door with two African statues standing guard.

The place was decked out in colorful garbs and very comfortable seating, when I saw it I thought of two people, Dr. Rushton Johnson and Lisa Glenn. Shanita and I sat with our Vadou Magic drinks for about an hour and a half and then the band got up to play.

I was so happy, the smile on my face was endless. I felt like I was at home. Not to say, that I go to African lounges at home; but still, just being around Black Culture made me feel comfortable.

Here my brothers are doing the damn thing. My friend and I got off our butts as well, but you ain't ready to see such a wonder, sorry no pictures. Being there was extremely refreshing and necessary to my health. Strangely, I even ran into a church member from the Vine, which made me feel even more comfortable in this setting. He offered to buy my a drink, but by that time I had already drunk enough. No, I wasn't drunk, I am more responsible than that.

Moving right along, I went to the Zoological Gardens here in HK. I don't have many good pictures, but here is one. (No Pandas).

I explored another section of the city called Stanley Market. Here are some pics of it.

So, I've been teaching in the Primary school for a couple of weeks and it is not going well. In one of my classes four kids don't listen to me at all, in fact, one only speaks Cantonese to me and gives me this real smug smirk cause he knows I don't understand him. The first session was chaos. The second was alot better. But, the third was a mixture and I lost my temper with these four little boys and yelled at the top of my lungs "Fellas, Sit Down!!!" As they scurried to their seats in fear, I wonder what the hell I am going to do with these kids. I can't teach them anything. There are some good ones. Charolette and Calvin constantly raise their hands to speak to me and show me their artwork. Calvin is my little professor, he asks a million questions. I am honestly not enjoying the experience. I don't want to be their friend, I want them to be terrified of me, and shiver when I enter the room. I have officially marked teaching young children off of my list, even though it was never on my list.

Okay, so food. I was craving a hamburger so My friend and I set out on journey to find a real American hamburger. After an hour search we found the Union Bar & Grille. I had the burger you see before you, and a ceasar salad, so delicious. Just to let you know, I miss southern food. Give me some Cheese Grits, some Fried Chicken, something. I have been craving biscuits and gravy, and even bacon.

As you can see, times are hard in some aspects, but it is beautiful in others. I will undoubtedly leave here with more questions than when I came. I am writing alot, keeping tabs on my thoughts, splendid and horrid, compassionate and hateful. Whatever I am thinking. I feeling a strong desire to write a book. I don't know about what, just the thoughts I have I guess. Be on the look out. Until I blog I again.